I AM FEELING REALLYREALLY PFF-ED AT THE MOMENT. i should be mugging chemistry (exam's tomorrow) but if i don't vent my anger somewhere, i think i'll explode. sorry that you guys will have to bear the brunt of this.

okay, here goes, i don't understand what's wrong with you, really. why do you ALWAYS(!) have to piss me off? and then the next thing i know, you're being all nice and friendly. i really don't get you.. and i can imagine you saying that you don't give a damn. well, i do. cause you're irritating me shitloads. i've never disliked anyone this much before but at the same time, still treat the person as a friend. i don't understand why you act in such a way. why can't you not be so temperamental? why can't you treat me nicer? i don't even know whether you are even comparable to a fair-weathered friend. you know the most about me (amongst the rest of the group) and somehow, i trust you but why the hell do you have to hurt me all the freaking time?! i know you don't give a damn about anyone else's feelings, maybe except hers.. but seriously!? can't you be more tactful? and yes, i know you don't care about how other people sees you but this is not a matter of how i see you, it's a matter of how other people may feel. yes, friendships are superficial, so what?! no one is freaking self-sufficient. don't be so selfish, don't make the whole friendship just be about you. don't treat me nice and show me respect just when you feel like it. idiot, i can imagine you're going to hate me for typing this out without saying it straight to your face. what the hell. if you can do what pleases yourself, why can't i do the freaking same? at least i have the courtesy to not bad-mouth a "so-called" friend to another, in front of her. IDIOT! shit. i freaking hate you, i really do. remember i told you i don't really hate anyone, just now at the restaurant, i decided to take back my words. okay, it's just temporal hate cause i know i'll be nice and everything again when you're nice again. you said you were going to be nice to me, idiot. you call this being nice. you think i didn't bloody hear what you said about the pork ribs? shit. within that freaking 2 hours, you have no idea how many times i felt insulted. how many times do i need to say that i don't like being teased, or at least not in the manner that you tease a person. she can't take a joke but somehow, you think i can? somehow, i'm a freaking pushover is it? IS IT?! bastard. don't think you bloody know and analyse everyone so well. all this self-pity about people not understanding you. it's because you don't freaking open up to anyone. all you do is hate people for the bloody smallest reasons. for your information, Christianity doesn't allow hate but i guess you don't give a damn, again, do you? i don't even know whether you're a friend or just someone who's going to hurt my feelings again and again. you know some of my deepest secrets, then why don't you take them into consideration before you open your mouth? all you do is hurt people, not only me, but almost everyone in general. don't place all your focus on one person alone will you? i don't know whether you think this makes you "man" or your perverse mindset tells you that this behaviour of yours somehow accentuates your display of "special attention/affection" for the person. just bear in mind that the world doesn't evolve around a single person. maybe i won't trust you anymore, maybe. somehow whatever i say doesn't get into your dense brain, anyway. your perverse logic doesn't hold, stop holding into them so tightly. it's self-pity, it really is.


okay, i feel better now. sorry for the slightly vulger post :3 i won't have such outbursts often or at least, i'll try. such incidents make me miss home more, gosh.